Vermin

Hello. As you might have noticed, Burning Salad has suffered a fair amount of neglect of late. It’s pretty much an all time low in posting frequency, even by my relaxed standards. Writing here is something I have been avoiding doing.

I decided only moments ago to take a peek at the stats for the site to see if anyone was still reading things here. Actually, it would have to re-reading. Anyway, to my surprise and amazement I found that not only had nobody abandoned ship, there are still more people finding their way here somehow. So I hope you’ve all been enjoying looking at a photograph of my cat’s balls in the meantime.

It seems that people are finding their way to the site through ever more elaborate and inane search terms. This pleases I.

Here are some highlights. Of course, listing them here is only going to reinforce this pages relevance to such nonsense in the eyes of Google. So if you have reached this page through Google, sorry I don’t have what you’re looking for but rest assured that you are not the only nut that types phrases like these into search engines…

cat foaming at the mouth
chimps burning alive
punched in the ribs
salad hands alien

etcetera

Maybe it’s just a version of my ludicrous game coming back to haunt me.

The best thing that has happened in the last week is that the cat caught a mouse. I was doing the dishes with a hangover and he was acting weird and making a lot of noise. Then I heard Trish saying ‘Oh – My – God’! So I came out of the kitchen and saw the cat sitting on the floor with what looked like a large furball in front of him. But it wasn’t a large furball, it was a small mouse.

He must have killed it during the night or the early hours of the morning because it was still fairly fresh ie. not stiff with rigor mortis. It had a small injury to it’s left flank and a stunned expression on it’s face. The cat looked excited and pleased and I congratulated him. He obviously wanted to play ‘Kick The Dead Mouse Around The Flat’ but with Trish being home I had to draw the line. I put the wee fella into the bin with as much ceremony as slice of stale bread. Thus is natures way. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time and now he was in the bin.

Trish seemed worries that we might have mice in the flat until I pointed out that the evidence was pointing to the fact that we might never have mice in the flat. Not lives ones at least.

The week’s other highlight was the Scout Fair on Saturday, where my spending amounted to seven pounds sterling and breaks down as follows:

Sega Megadrive- £2
Megadrive games x 4- £3
Hotdogs x 2- £1
70s bowling bag- 50p

Not quite as good a haul as last year, but pretty good all the same. I lost out on a ZX to a geeky looking fifteen year old. Which I thought was pretty cool when I realised that he wouldn’t have been born in 1983 when I was a Spectrum obsessed kid.

The bowling bag was a bit of a surprise hit. I was only looking for something to put the Megadrive into and it turned out to be a crazy style 70s thing in good condition. And it was this excellent condition that I was inspecting when I made the foolhardy decision to test it crazy 70s style locking mechanism. I did it without thinking and as soon as it (the lock) clicked, it (the metaphorical thought connection) clicked. I had just locked the Megadrive inside the crazy 70s bowling bag. My anger was only tempered by the fact that I couldn’t help laughing at myself. Actually, laughing at the situation and thinking ‘How the fuck do I manage to do things like that’? But what I also managed to do was successfully pick the lock with a paper clip.

And so, that has been me, as they say.

Apart from an a close shave with a hacker late last night. There’s no point in going into boring technical details… My internet connection failed which isn’t that unusual and by coincidence, for unrelated reasons I took the opportunity to restart my computer. My computer then told me that it couldn’t find my network (ie internet connection) and it had been replaced by another one the name of which I won’t repeat here, but was obviously a hacker. Pretty unusual. It seemed that he had or was trying to take control of my base station. This is the internet equivalent of having a hand through your letter box and trying to unlock your front door. So I proceeded to perform the internet equivalent of punching the hand and slamming the door on it.

Anyway, if he is any good at hacking (which it seems he might be) there is a chance that he is reading this now. Not on Burning Salad but as I type…
Hello! Please go away. I can hack a bit too.

And finally, aside from all of this, it was my pal Jamie’s birthday the other day and I forgot. Please feel free to make me feel less bad by going to his blog and posting a belated ‘Happy Birthday’.