Scribbles

My pal Dave Shrigley has a lot of books of his drawings out. So many in fact that whenever I talk to him about his ‘new book’, it’s usually a different book that he’s talking about. And good books they are too. Full of good drawings.

I have got a few of his books. What I have also got is an obsessive/compulsive (or whatever you want to call it) streak a mile wide. One way that this manifests itself is in collecting things. And so it is that I am trying to get hold of a copy of every one of his books. No mean feat, but a task made more difficult by my decision to obtain a copy of each without paying for any of them. When I told Dave about this he advised me not to get arrested. And good advice it is. (Far be it from me to shoplift, although I have yet to ram-raid Waterstones). Anyway, suffice to say that I have managed to acquire a few here and there. And I am pleased to be the owner of a some of the older ones that are long since out of print.

The only problem was that the ones I got had big stickers on the front (with words to the effect that the copy in question was not to be ‘borrowed’ [I'm dyslexic your honour]). And this is where my compulsive streak made way for my neurotic edge. So angered was I by those big ugly stickers telling me not to do what I had already done that I decided they had to be removed forthwith. So I took the books, turned on the kettle and began the delicate operation of steaming and peeling them off.

Imagine my dismay when I realised that the books were so old and the stickers so sticky that the operation had been a failure. Parts of the cover had come off with the sticker and parts of the sticker hadn’t come off at all. I consider myself to be a bit of an expert in sticker removal. You see, I absolutely hate stickers on anything. Even fancy easy-peel, non-stick sticker on shiny surfaces. All stickers must be removed. At once.

So here I was with my Shrigley books with great big ugly sticker marks on the front covers reminding me where there used to be great big ugly stickers reminding me not to ‘borrow’ the books. It was a disaster. ‘Shit’ I thought, ‘I’ve wrecked the books’. And so the sticker situation became trapped at the back of my mind like a grain of poisonous sand.

Until I happened upon a great idea…

The last time I was out drinking with Dave the whole sticker fiasco lurched into my drunken mind. And there and then in a moment of drunken logic the solution came to me. Get Dave to fix the books!

I told Dave about what happened and he seemed amused. And then I proposed my plan. I asked him if he would be willing to fix the books by adjusting the sticker marks in whatever way he saw fit. ‘That way the books will not have been ruined, they will have been customised’, I told my booze addled self.

Dave agreed but then he stopped and thought for a second and said ‘It’s probably better if I get you to do it. Scribble on them like this’ (demonstrates scribble).

Perfect! Suddenly it all made sense…

Shrigley makes book.
I steal book and subsequently ruin it.
I ask Shrigley to fix book.
Shrigley instructs me to conduct repair.
I scribble on book.

So that’s what I did today…