I'm in the process of getting kicked out of my flat at the moment. The landlady phoned the other day to say she's going on holiday on 20th August and she wants us out by then. She also said that I have to tidy my room because she was showing people my room and she said it was a 'disgusting mess'. I pointed out that only an idiot would be disgusted by books and records. A room full of burnt hair, damp polythene and sawdust would be closer to disgusting. Maybe she's just easily disgusted.

Doreen Reid is a thoroughly offensive old bitch with absolutely nothing to recommend her as a person. She rented us the flat because it had been her sister's who died. Well just wait until I get on the ouija board Doreen.

Other Interesting Landlords

George Proctor - A burly skinhead of an Irishman who mysteriously insisted on pluralising my name at all times..."Ah hello Gregors I'm here for the rent". He also threatened to set his rottweiler on me and/or beat me up when I told him my housing giro hadn't arrived. He knew someone on the inside at the housing plus I was sitting playing a brand new Playstation (RRP - One months rent).

'Funniest' flat moment: The bathroom door inexplicably being stuck half open (because the ceiling had caved in on top of it). The problem was revealed by me charging the door and having the ceiling cave in further ie. on top of me.

Stevie - The ex-boxer with the twitch. Not a nervous twitch, the type of twitch you get from having your face punched for a living.

Biggest threat: "Gregor you're a nice guy but...". It was largely carried in his manner and tone of voice. Suddenly the fact we both supported Celtic didn't matter. And the fact that a bottle of tequila and a Bad Brains album had made me wreck my room did.