On my way into my studio today I ended up in McDonalds. I don't eat burgers very often which means that when I do, my internal organs don't mind too much and I don't suffer any sort of burger guilt. I just enjoy it's cartoon quality impression of being food and go about my business.

But today I got distracted. During the wait for my fast food I noticed that McDonalds, in their effort to divert attention away from the fact that they might as well be selling re-heated dung, have installed computer terminals in their branches. So I bought my burger, payed for a token and perched myself in front of one of the screens. I didn't have any real need to be online while eating a burger but I thought I might as well check my email or something. And that's when I realised that McDonalds grasp of technology was about as sophisticated as their understanding of cuisine.

What I am referring to is the absence of a mouse. Or a trackball. Or any other way of using the terminal apart from... a touch screen. That's right, the computers in McDonalds have got touch screens! Maybe they didn't read the manual properly. They must have skipped the appendix that explained how the conceptual foundation of touch-screen technology is the requirement to physically touch the screen. Now, I'm not squeamish or a germ paranoiac, but anyone who has ever eaten a Big Mac will recall that the cheese is like runny plastic, the meat substitute weeps some kind of liquid and those other things in it are just slimy.

I was completely confounded. I sat for a minute enjoying my tasty burger, wondering what to do. In the end I found a particularly rigid chip* and used it as a makeshift stylus.

Da da da da da, I'm lovin' it.

* French fry. (That's 'Freedom fry', warmongers).