When I switched over to the MacBook I lost a lot of email. Actually I lost it all… a whole two years worth. After a couple of recent near misses (more like omens) I take regular backups of everything but one way or another, this time my email folder melted and with it went every single piece of electronic correspondence of the last two years or so.

The funny thing is, it’s not really that much of a disaster. At first I though it was… and then I realised that it wasn’t. And it isn’t.

The only things I’m a bit sad to have lost are the numerous emails to and from The Shrig which were always funny, the replies that I got from Doug Allen and Gary Leib when I contacted them out of the blue and, get this… all of my $P@|\/|. I was saving all of that junk and going to make it into some kind of epic prose poem mash-up. The highlight was an absolutely inspired (if they weren’t automatically generated) spam name that still makes me laugh.  albatros anton.

Anyway, I’ve fixed my email account (agaaain) so if you sent me something and it bounced, sorry. And of course my virgin junk folder is filling up already. I might even have some material to rival the mighty albatros anton. Someone has already referred to me as ‘Wayfaring Tree’. How they ever came to know my nickname I’ll never know, but there you go.

So that’s what? Two posts in three weeks or something. Yes well there’s a good reason for that and that reason was created by Apple and is called the MacBook. Oh yes. I flogged my powerbook to a man in a cafe slightly over two weeks ago and used the money to purchase a shiney new black MacBook. A BlackBook. What follows is an unbiased appraisal of said piece of hardware.

Why I Think The (Black) MacBook Is The Best Computer Ever Created

1 Look at it. It’s black. This pleases me in and of itself but what it also does is make the comp look retro. Old school, if you will. And not in a sort of crap, trendy, try-too-hard kind of ‘retro design’ way… In a totally amazing wait-a-minute, that incredibly powerful computer looks a lot like a ZX Spectrum, sort of way. (This is in perfect accordance with the computers I have been designing in my head for a very long time now. It makes me very happy.)

2 The build quality is excellent. The whole comp just feels really solid. And the matte finish is so amazingly good. I’m touching it right now. Prrr.

3 The keyboard, the screen and the trackpad… hats off, v. good, gold star. The bits that you have to look at and touch to get it to actually do anything. They approach perfection.

a It’s the first Apple comp to have a glossy screen and I wasn’t sure about that at first. I really liked the matte display on the Powerbook and wasn’t looking forward to lots of reflection. But I was worrying about nothing. It’s much brighter and cripser with richer colours and unnoticeable reflection. I like looking at this screen more than any other thing in the world at the moment.

b The keyboard is something I couldn’t really care less about as long as it had buttons to press. Or so I thought. The keyboard is amaaazing! (And I don’t use the word amaaazing lightly.) It’s hard to describe exactly how or why but this is the best keyboard ever. In the whole history of keyboards. Imagine that.

c And the trackpad. Ah, trackpad. Widescreen format, two-finger scrolling and I swear there’s a really light microswitch in the button. Let’s just say that this is the second most rubbed in my life at the moment.

And then there’s all of the other wee things that make a huge difference. Like the magsafe power adapter that connects magnetically. So you can tangle yourself up in the power cord and it just pops off the side without yanking the comp onto the floor or anything. I did this. It works.

And the latch. It too is just a magnet. And for various arcane reasons this is a vastly superior solution to keeping the lid closed in an aethetic and practical fashion.

This is basically just an incredible computer. Really well designed, well built, functionally excellent and good looking.

Now I’m not going to get carried away just because I think that this is the best computer ever made but I will say this: If you don’t love the (black) MacBook with every fibre of your soul, I don’t want to have anything to do with you.

The ZX Spectrum
The first computer I ever owned. Back in 1982 when I was seven.

The ZX Spectrum Tribute BlackBook
The computer I own now. Operating system hacked to give it the appearance of a ZX Spectrum.

Glasgow buses are so bad it’s not funny anymore. Anyone who has ever set foot on a bus in this city more than once probably knows what I mean. All of the usual complaints apply… they’re always late, the fares keep going up, sometimes they crash… yet somehow the buses in Glasgow manage to bring something new to the table.

The drivers all seem to suffer from post-lobotomy mental defects with personalities ranging from absent to psychotic. The actual buses themselves often smell of puke and/or piss. And you always get a strange feeling like you’re taking a slightly wild gamble when you go up the stairs on a double decker. And that’s because you are. Which is what I do on a daily basis.

There’s about an eighty per cent chance there’s going to be someone pretty obnoxious up there waiting for you. After that it’s about fifty/fifty whether or not they might be openly offensive in some way, with about a thirty per cent chance of aggression or hostility and I’d say about a ten per cent chance of them apparently being dangerous. That is, having the countenance of a lunatic. An actual real lunatic. Those are pretty bad odds.

Then sometimes the bus will get to a certain stop and without any warning not go any further. The driver will just stand up and say that’s it, end of the line. And so you have to get off and wait for another bus. But the thing is, sometimes the drivers don’t even bother telling you. They just go away and leave everyone sitting there like idiots until it becomes obvious that they’re not coming back.

Here are three unusual things that (I swear to you) have happened to me on buses:

1. A driver actually jumped out of his cab, stood nose to nose with me on the pavement and threatened me with violence. I had suggested that he might be on drugs which it seems he probably was.

2. The bus stopped and I heard the driver shouting from downstairs. I went downstairs and realised that I was the only person on the bus. I assumed that the bus was doing the thing where you suddenly get chucked off but the driver said no and asked me to wait where I was. He then disappeared for about ten minutes, leaving me on the bus on my own with the door open and the engine running. Then he reappeared and told me that he was going on holiday first thing the next day and that was his only chance to change some money.

3. I jumped off at my stop and the door closed on me. As in, it shut exactly half of me- one arm, one leg, one ear, one bollock- on the bus, and the other half on the pavement (which incidentally and inconveniently enough, is a good two feet lower than the bus). It didn’t hurt or anything but let’s just say that I wouldn’t do it to show off in front of a girl. So I stood there like a dick for a full twenty seconds or so (which I found out is a long time when trapped in a bus door) before it finally opened very very slowly and the driver said (and I swear that these were his exact words) -It’s just started doing that. (It still pisses me off, even now, that I was so shocked I just stood there and watched the bus drive away and couldn’t even say anything).

Well hello again. Here we are… yet another new look BS. But this one is the best yet. I think anyway. As always it took a bit longer than expected… I expected it to take a weekend… it took four weeks. I should have seen that coming. The crazy thing is that the actual design was done in an evening- I could have had the site up and running, looking like it does right now with virtually no downtime at all. But looks aren’t everything, as they say. And so it’s all the other tiny fiddly wee things that you can’t really see that take up all the time. Plus, I’m a perfectionist. Equals disaster.

But anyway. Here it is now. The design is kind of a reference to ‘70s pulp science fiction and things like that. So yeah okay, new Burning Salad- what’s so good about that? Well, here’s the guided tour…

All of the widgets have been tweaked and fixed… the Dream Generator, the thing that pulls random images from the web and the random web browser. How exciting.

And I’ve created a couple of brand new ones too.

The SFXinator generates random text-based sound effects. I can hear Roy Lichtenstein turning in his grave already.

Bleak Strategies is basically a version of Brian Eno‘s Oblique Strategies. Although, it’s going to evolve beyond that into the idea I’ve got in my head.

I’ve also uploaded a couple of video games I’ve made in the past: Penguin Attack and Catsteroids. Oh, and speaking of video games, all of the online games in the arcade should be working properly again. That is, saving high scores. All of which have been reset. Yes, reset.  And I’m thinking it might be a good idea to reset them every couple of weeks or so.

Emm… what else? Oh yes the webcam is running in real time now. None of that 10 second refresh crap. So now you can watch absolutely nothing happening in my hallway, safe in the knowledge that absolutely nothing is happening at that exact moment in time, not ten seconds ago. Woo.

I’ve also set up a nice new RSS feed for the site. Which isn’t working perfectly yet but will be as soon as I’ve finished writing this and started fixing it. And I’m also considering adding a wiki and maybe even forums to the site. Who knows.

And that’s probably the most exciting stuff that’s changed. Doesn’t sound like much, but there you go.

And then I need to update the gallery with the new drawings and paintings I’ve been making. I’ve been struggling with them for a while now but I’m starting to think that they’re actually getting somewhere. Which is good, or thereabouts.

This entry is actually backdated. The site was closed and I was updating it on this day, my birthday. But this is not a belated birthday announcement. Well, not really. It’s really just to mention that I recently discovered that I share a birthday with both Alexander Trocchi and Clive Sinclair. Two people I happen to think are pretty cool. Result!