I Eat Black Babies

Doreen (ex-land’lady’) just phones out of the blue. She told me that some mail had arrived for me and I should collect it. She then took the opportunity to let me know that we (me, Steph and Rob) were ‘dirty pigs’, that the flat was left in ‘a fucking horrible mess’ and that we were ‘dirty fucking dossers’. She asked what I had cleaned and I said, some of the flat and my room. Then she said ‘Well I was in your room and do you know what I found under your bed?’ I said no and she said ‘Lots of black babies all over the floor’. Which threw me a bit until I realised she was referring to some liquorice cats I misplaced a while ago (that don’t look unlike jelly babies to middle-aged idiots). Glad that’s all sorted out then Doreen.