Burning Salad

Hello World

Gregor — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 05:06:36 +0000

Boooom!! I’m a dad! My boy Bran Silver Perdok Wright was born three hours ago in the front room, weighing in just shy of eight pounds. Trish made it all happen in less than six hours without any drugs or any help at all, just some intense hundred-thousand year old mooing noises. Amazing. I caught him, said hello, gave him to his mum and snipped the cord. Now he’s curled up with Trish and I’m on the front step with a good cigar and a glass of quarter-cask Laphroaig, listening to Brave Men Run (In My Family) by Sonic Youth, all in love with the universe etc. x

Steve Jobs

Gregor — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 10:01:20 +0000

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
Steve Jobs

The Week on Twitter: 3 October, 2011

Gregor — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 22:00:00 +0000

@Cunthorse Hard to eat too. #
The Post Office guy caught me trying to nick his pen and politely busted me… "and could you hand me back my pen please" #SleightOfHandFail #
Thing is, they often have these Staedtlers with great ink delivery you don't seem to get anywhere else. Just trying to feed my habit. #
Nuts that Nevermind is 20 years old now. Been listening to it again for the first time in years… and that record kicks a whole lot of ass! #
This could be really good. “@annehilde: John Latham and Austin Osman Spare exhibition curated by Mark Titchner http://t.co/RBeLXCW9” #
@TwopTwips A DOLLOP of Hellmann's mayonnaise instead of sugar makes a great savoury alternative to a sweet cup of tea. #
Sorry in advance for being late but I just changed my iPhone calendar settings. [ ] Gregorian [x] Bhuddist. No idea what day it is. #
@Koncher MY FAVOURITE CRYSTAL CASTLES SONG IS YEAR OF SILENCE WHAT IS YOURS? #
@Koncher THAT IS MY SECOND FAVOURITE SOMETIMES MY FAVOURITE. #
@Koncher THEY SHOULD DO AN ALBUM WITH JUST THOSE TWO SONGS ON IT. #
Much as I usually hate Glasgow's nasty weather, driech days like today give me fond memories of afternoons well spent with a Commodore 64. #
@garyhenderson1 Hey Gary! Aye, I usually ask @thedalailama but it takes ages to get a reply and he's often drunk. #
@Koncher You're right. These skulls aren't going to draw themselves. Are you in the studio today or tomorrow? #
@Koncher Cool. I had to meet my folks today. But maybe tomorrow we should studio <—> studio. #
@DerrenBrown De/programmer Extraordinaire #
Safe As Milk #
Video game idea: Alan Titchmarsh- Crocus Pocus. Help the dull gardening 'personality' cast magic spells on boring flowers! Then murder him. #
@charltonbrooker Where are you? Regardless, please list your favourite white goods. #

The Week on Twitter: 26 September, 2011

Gregor — Mon, 26 Sep 2011 22:00:00 +0000

@davidshrigley a ah ha ha ha ! Remember that time I mistook you for a deformed bat? So embarrassing. Then that actual deformed bat went mad. #
@Koncher Have you played One Single Life yet? It's really good and it's free and you only get one life. Only one. #
They've changed the flavour of No More Nails. Tastes much better now. #
The creator of the Ikea assembly instructions is clearly an undiscovered Surrealist master. #
Yeah. Furniture always looks better with blood on it. #
@sambeaujones I've heard variations of the phrase 'got it dialled' used in similar contexts. #
Hide the extra bits hide the extra bits hide the extra bits and erase them from your mind … la la la hide the extra bits hide the extra bi #
hey @alan_titchmarsh could you recommend a good first person shooter for the xbox you irrelevant old gardening shit? ha ha no really. thanx! #
Hardcore! #DealOrNoDeal #
@Koncher Stone the fucking crows … http://t.co/TpfWPR5w #
@Koncher Thanks. #

The Week on Twitter: 19 September, 2011

Gregor — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 22:00:00 +0000

@ITRIED2WARNU Scaling up can cause loss of resolution. Ship it to me and I'll take a look. #
@ITRIED2WARNU Yup. On there now. #
Is it just me or is Chrome actually pretty shit? Contantly borks in WordPress backend until I empty cache and restart. WTF is up with that? #
@rdallasgray It's pretty much unusable on Mac with a WordPress site. I'm so fed up of constantly changing browsers. GGRGRAAAAEKLAELELHK!!1!! #
@AlsBoy Wow! I've written 955. Coincidence? … … … (yes) #
@AlsBoy I think so too. I'm going to keep an eye on the numerology of it all and maybe we can celebrate the next one too! #
Just baked an egg. #
The goon who invented automated voice recognition over the phone. I am going to track him down and torture him. For a very long time. #
@AnnoDracula You're not in Glasgow today for this book thing are you? #
@AnnoDracula Ah okay, just thought I walked past you in the street there. Must've been Jack Yeovil. #
Dear internet, please contact me immediately via any means- email, text, phone, first class recorded delivery- every time someone LOLs. Thx. #
@AidanJohnMoffat No. She wasn't his lover. She was just a girl who thought that he was the one. #
@FriezeCurator I do that. My Twitter gets autoblurbed onto Facebook. It's like having social media Tourette's. Then the easily offended are. #
@FriezeCurator Yes. Their problem. Try posting 'Can U Read This OK LOL?!' every 5 mins, for a few days. That'll show 'em. #
Would you believe the Mayans actually had a word for 'spreadsheet'. It was QNTHNULFLRKT. And it translates as 'total waste of fucking time'. #

The Week on Twitter: 12 September, 2011

Gregor — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 22:00:00 +0000

Just realised that somehow there's no Fugazi on my iPhone. No idea how long this has been going on. Phoning Ian MacKaye to apologise. #
The White Tack Paradox: 200gsm paper = 80% of drawings on the floor within 24hrs … 9mm plywood = still on the wall three weeks later. #
Think I just saw a really old blind man shoplift at glacial speed. #
@Koncher Yeah, archival tape now. You ever seen a Pettibon up close though? They are totally fucked. #
Got spam text message. What to do: DON'T reply! Not even STOP to opt out. Forward it to Orange anti-spam free on 7726 then http://www.donotcall.gov #
@rdallasgray It's definitely worth a shot registering your mobile with http://www.donotcall.gov Otherwise use my patented Yeah technique… #
@rdallasgray Yeah technique = stay on the line as long as it takes, the only thing you are allowed to say is Yeah. Do it until they hang up. #
@rdallasgray Sounds like a good variant of Yeahing! Since it's a landline http://www.donotcall.org def a good idea imo. And complaint to O2 a must. #
@rdallasgray Ah, nice. And lol at being told to piss off by a spammer. The scum sucking, bottom feeding bastards. Hope they all get disease. #
Number not in phone?! WTF! Oh wait, music playlist. Didn't think how am I pals with Crystal Castles, Scratch Acid, US Maple, Melt Banana etc #
@Cunthorse Dunno how you write them but the Danish for 'kiss' and 'cunt' sound nearly identical when spoken. At least to non-Danish ears. #
Obviously would phone them up for a chat if I could though. #
Using eBay today for the first time in a while. And what a thoroughly shit experience it is. Painful. #
@Giania Yeah! I'm always getting pestered by it. Never been a member, never f'ing will. And still they keep trying to break me. #
@KatrinaBrown Lyon. Don't you mean if the Gauls permit, not the Gaels? Boom Boom! (sorry) #
I have to say as an artist I actually find waiting for paint to dry quite an exciting activity. #NewPaintings #

The Week on Twitter: 5 September, 2011

Gregor — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 22:00:00 +0000

If you see me smoking a pipe it's not me it's someone else. I don't smoke a pipe you see. #
Just so you know. #
LIFE ADVICE: Dress up as a different type of person and run around the streets in a pretend panic all day. Repeat until exhausted. AMAZING! #

The Week on Twitter: 29 August, 2011

Gregor — Mon, 29 Aug 2011 22:00:00 +0000

For #aprilfools I'm going to pretend to be Justin Bieber. Then I'm going to change my name to Justin Boober and become a drug addict. #
I know I haven't tweeted much this last week but everyone who #FFs me today will receive a free pancake. I will make it and post it to you. #
@JerryStillman Quit pussyfooting around and get to bed. #
@rhodri Where? #
@rhodri WINNING! #
@JerryStillman Cat's more like it. #
Am I seeing things? Google are celebrating (with fancy logo) 'The 119th Anniversary Of The First Documented Ice Cream Sundae'. #JumpTheShark #
Those logo changes Google do to commemorate increasingly banal and pointless things are called Google Doodles. Let's do #GoogleDoodleIdeas ! #
#GoogleDoodleIdeas : First dwarf in space- Vanishingly small logo represents dwindling earth the midget saw as he shot through empty vacuum. #
#GoogleDoodleIdeas : Anniversary of magma- Celebrating the first formation of lava in earth's crust. Logo destroys screen with excess heat. #
#GoogleDoodleIdeas Wood remembrance day. Google remind us there was a time when everything was made out of wood. Using 'wood effect' jpegs. #
RAISINS injected with grape juice make a great cheap alternative to grapes. @TwopTwips #
TURNIPS suspended from paperclips make a great cheap alternative to gypsy style earrings. @TwopTwips #
You have *got to* try De-Solv-it Sticky Stuff Remover. Only a quid from the pound shop. Lemon flavour, tastes great. #
Fuck you White Tack. I gave you a chance over your better known Blu rival and all you do is spit my drawings on the floor on a daily basis. #
I can confirm that Bostik Blu-Tack is vastly superior to UHU White Tack in the sticking-things-to-other-things stakes. #
@MonkeyTypes Ready. #
@dsjuliea Good luck! #
@dsjuliea What is it you do? (Sorry just being nosy.) #
@dsjuliea Ah okay, cool. Good luck, good luck! #
Today I am going to use Blu-Tack White. That's right folks, not White Tack… *white Blu-Tack*. The Dylan goes electric moment of adhesives. #
@gedmundson ahaaha! Hey Grier, was good to see you last week, hope all is good with you… gotta be with an avatar like that. #
Dear Mr. Spammer, Thanks for contacting me with your interesting offer but I hope your penis shrivels up and your house burns down. #
@VictoriaCoren Drinking in Stereo right by Central Station if you fancy a pint. #
I wonder if Tim Henman is any good at Pong. #
@RichardWiseman What do you call a large, angry silverback gorilla in a crash helmet? Anything you like, he can't hear you. #
D&D fans (Dungeons&Dragons for those with well spent youth) will be amused to know that my cat's fav toy to smash around the flat is a D100. #
A D100 is of course a 100 sided dice. And he makes some pretty hefty attack rolls. Pretty sure because he knows my damage soak is so low. #
Just in Futureshock Comics for the first time in many a moon. Sooo glad that indie comic/book shops still exist… and are still mega weird! #
Monies are on Midnight Club, BecauseICouldntSee, Niche Market and Big Fella Thanks. goGoGO!!! #grandnational #
Horses run fast. #
@D_WRIGHT_GNOCK Hey Darren, I'm good thanks. How's it going? Hope you're well. #
#thistwitterhashtagissodamnhugethattheresnospacelefttoactuallysayanythingbutthatsokaybecauseitsallabouthehashtagreallypleaseRTandmakeittrend #
@Koncher Where? #
@Koncher ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMGGG!!! #
Wow! That's The Walking Dead off to a cracking start. #
The Walking Dead was fantastic. For example: Great version of the ripped-off-at-the-waist person dragging themselves along the ground. #
@luke88addis Yeah. Let's do it! #
Here's the short URL version of my Monster Hashtag: http://oky.so/bigtag #
@mfbolla Consider this the abridged version of the full-blown monster tag! #
@robmanuel Congratulations! #
@AlsBoy That's crazy. The girl on the right actually flipped out an entire line of her pals with one smooth arm motion. #
@Koncher I can't remember if you said Death Rally was actually good or was supposed to be good but wasn't. SO WHICH IS IT THEN SMARTARSE? #
@Koncher This is a thinly veiled brag. I like it. #
@Koncher On again tonight? #
@Koncher word #
This is Tweet number 434. And when you think about it, 434 is a number. #
Fifty years today since Yuri Gagarin shot off into space! It's about time someone went to get him really. #
I think I've broken something. #
No, I haven't. #
In my spare time I like to use URL shorteners as URL lengtheners by entering their own URL into themselves. For example: http://j.mp/dM5lNH #
Fact: Monosodium glutamate makes everything taste great! I have eaten- piece of candle, 10p piece, various houseplants, clock. All v good. #
@Koncher I hope he rolls it up into a straw and uses it to snort the magic dust. #
@Jayenkai The latter please! #
@Jayenkai *phew* You had me worried for a second there. #
I hate it when predictive text goes wrong. You try to say "Yeah sure sounds good" and it goes out as "Nah fuck you, you dull bastard". #
@ellichapman I love it! #
Alright Twitterites, don't say I'm not good to you! #FF @oWLaTroN @dangerlion @BlackEgg @fartwaft @biglongname @dooooooooooom @fatfuck @old #
@VictoriaCoren Your thoughts on the pokerpocalypse that has just happened (as in, the last hour or so).. The end of online poker or just US? #
The FBI seize the poker sites while you're in the middle of a session. That's never a good sign. Goodnight. #
@Koncher Tomorrow for that. And stop spelling loser wrongly like an internet gonk. #
Still not quite sure how to pronounce One Direction. Is it 'wand-erection' or is it 'inane-vacuous-fame-whores'? Tough call. #onedirection #
@magic_girlie @AlsBoy Funny that because that Dulux dog is such a big fat bourgeois bastard. #
"Retweeted by [insert person] and others" Who the fuck are the 'others'? Better not be those weirdos from Lost stalking me on the internet. #
Is the Large Hadron Collider a thing that collides large hadrons or is it a large thing that collides normal sized hardons? #LHC #
@Koncher Large Hardon Collider #
@lyron Ah yeah, that's what I thought. Might build my own machine that mashes hadrons into bigger hadrons. Seems to be a gap in the market. #
The Sex Pistols' God Save The Queen will be on iTunes tomorrow until Apr 23. Buy it and help get it to Number 1 for the royal wedding. #
Firefox 4 pointless infinite loop fun: File>Open File… [select a PDF]- At prompt "What should FF do…" hit Open With: and choose FireFox. #
Telly just said there are now three rats for every person. Great, that means I've got three rats! Where the f are they tho? I want my rats!! #
Hullo @CatOfNightjar, how far are you from The Black Dog? #
@CatOfNightjar Godspeed you spacefaring feline! #
Just opened a fresh deck of red circle back Tallies. Good morning! #
The return bus fare into town is three quid when the train is two twenty? So pay 80p for a 70% higher chance of a random violent encounter. #
@Koncher I got WORK to do!!! #
The shards of tinfoil in @gregorwright's blood scramble the signal and he flees in a dreary public class escape vessel. #MythBending #
@VoiceOfNightjar Be sure to let us know when you pass The Tannhauser Gate. #
@JanieNicoll Cycling in Glasgow doesn't look like a whole lot of fun. Think I'm going to continue to be a 'random pedestrian'. #
@SisterSlash How? #
@petefirman You should just use the Twitter Facebook app, sir. #
@petefirman Yeah, true. #
Sword & Sworcery for iPhone has finally hit the app store! BooM! Insta-mashed the download button!!! #woot #
I hope the @DalaiLama turns up to the royal wedding half jaked on White Lightning and kicks right off. #
Birthday Message To The Queen: Happy bday Liz dont get too drunk lol watch @DalaiLama dont blow up lol card late becuz Moonpig fuckd it haha #
@warrenellis So it is! (I checked) #
@brokentv I'm going to see him live next week. Can't wait! #
@brokentv Yeah, the lottery prediction wasn't the greatest. Kinda silly. Other than that (and the terrible painting) I think he's great. #
@wossy Martin Luther Kingfisher. #
@Koncher Aw man, remember Lichard Dawkins and Lichard Feynman cutting about in the Forestry Commission… dawg I miss those days. #
@rhodri I clubbed a man to death with a pasty once. #
Ah, time to reflect on the Easter story. JC nailed to cross, escapes, hangs out in cave with hooker, comes back as zombie, people roll eggs. #
Good Friday. The Christian marketing department really went into overdrive on that one. What next… Interesting Thursday… Nice Wednesday? #
On further reflection, perhaps that should have been Nice Saturday since there's already a Wednesday. You know, the one sponsored by Orange. #
@ChrisKenner Any good tips, other than SortKwik? My hands are permanently dry and slidey. #
Twitter's new home page looks a bit more corporate I SAID TWITTER'S NEW HOMEPAGE LOOKS A BIT MORE CORPORATE fuck #
Eight quid for 16 smokes out of a machine. Lucky Strike are good but that's a lot of coin. (Not me smoking of course.) #
@Koncher Micro dawg. That be the one for the iPhone. #
One irection #bandsmissingaletter #
Sony sued the team who cracked the PS3's encryption for 'irreparable injury and damage' but didn't keep data for 77million people encrypted. #
I'm sorry but that is so far beyond ridiculous that it's hard to comprehend. Corporate arrogance and contempt on a galactic scale. #fuckSony #
Going through to see @DerrenBrown at the Playhouse tonight! woot! #
@koncher holy shit dawg, this looks Boss!!! If they nail this, it could be one of the best games ever! http://oky.so/drive #
@Koncher Yeah, could be sooo good. And also, just realised- it's from the guys who made EpicWin. #
Mail just arrived with eight issues of Angry Youth Comix all signed by @MrJohnnyRyan himself! Fuckin boss! And thanks for the sketch Johnny! #
TOYNBEE IDEA: IN Kubrick's 2001 RESURRECT DEAD ON PLANET JUPITER. #
@glasgowfilm No way! That's the one with Harvey Keitel in it. When's it on??? #
@glasgowfilm Grrraaaaaggghhh!!! YOU HAVE TO SHOW THIS FILM!!! O_o #
@AidanJohnMoffat Same here. Am holding out hope for a comedy fuck up moment in front of an audience of billions though. #
Seated and awaiting the grand entrance of the pointy bearded mind fiddler @DerrenBrown #
@DerrenBrown, now that man knows how to put on a show! Thanks, congrats, well done, hats off etc Was a great evening! #
@RichardWiseman Cat =^_^= Owl (*¥*) Fish >-)))))•> #
@DerrenBrown I peed on that popcorn x #
Some toff baldie gonk is marrying this horsey looking posh bird on the telly right now. #
Just spotted the @DalaiLama up the back there. Gubbed on Special Brew and causing a bit of a ruckus. Such a shame. #RoyalWedding #
After this long and tedious religious diatribe @RichardDawkins is coming out to breakdance and lighten the mood apparently. #RoyalWedding #
The choir are now emitting a low frequency hum which I fear may be an experiment in brown noise. #RoyalWedding #
Why's The Queen not singing? Oh no wait… it's God Save The Queen. Still, maybe she's gone all emo and doesn't want to be saved. #RoyalShit #
Just managed to lip read the @DalaiLama there. Seems to be bragging to Elton John that he's been beta testing Gears Of War 3. #RoyalWedding #
So there was a royal wedding themed riot in Kelvingrove Park with riot cops, horses and folk singing "Shove the royal wedding up your arse"! #
Just at Jobcentre: 'International Bogeyman. Duties include being used to manipulate public opinion.' Don't think you get tax credits though. #
@Aiannucci Stringfellow's 'arguments' were pretty dim. #
@davidshrigley I saw you. Doin a dump on the grass. #
What can possibly be bad about a new Audio Visual voting system? #
@Jayenkai Ugh, you're right, good point! An eternity of Tories doesn't even bear thinking about. #
@Jayenkai Lookin good! #
@DaftLimmy The tilde ~is very important you tit. #
@Koncher Yeah. Can't remember which one though. Will check. #
Did a cock-and-balls on my ballot paper. #
@Koncher ack! You need to tape them up! #
@PenguinBooks Gotta be William Burroughs. Would be amazing to #bringback the crazy old genius and hang out and shoot the shit! #
Out drinking with that @DalaiLama last night. Really nice guy, just wish he'd stop banging on about how great he is at Guitar Hero. #
@charltonbrooker A clove? Surely you mean dove. #
@alanbenzie We have them nesting in the tree right outside the window every year. Policing is right… they flip out big time at cats. #
@rdallasgray Congratulaaations!!! Hope Sorcha, the wee man and you are all well! Give Sorcha my best. #
@DaftLimmy So is Wasted. #
@DaftLimmy # #
Just saw the headline, CITY DRUGS GANG SMASHED. I mean, they're a drugs gang, what do sort of nick do you expect them to be in? #
I hate it when I make a twitter typo. Fucking twypos. Or is it tweepos? I dunno. #
@Koncher Sounds like security through obscurity to me. Which usually isn't a good an idea. #
@namco_ hah! I thought the same thing. Electronics expert != Creator of CPC464. #
@krantzjulia Hey Julia, thanks! Glad you liked my site. #
YAAASS!!! Someone's making a Call of Cthulhu game for the iPhone. #cthulhu #HPLovecraft #
@DaftLimmy No actually. #
@krantzjulia ah great, thanks. I did a talk last year that I still need to upload the video of and I'm going to do a talk/essay soon too. #
Fantastic piece about the internet by Douglas Adams. http://oky.so/net #
@krantzjulia yup #
@rhodri Didn't you read the strap-line? HOOK UP WITH REAL CONFUSED CLIP-ART WINGED GOTH CHICKS IN YOUR AREA TONIGHT!!! #
***Sponsored Tweet | Please Note: This is a Sponsored Tweet, brought to you by Cilit Bang© Bang and the Dirt is Gone! *** The flat's a mess. #
It's not really. I was paid to say that. #
LIDL – Because sometimes, once you've bought all your groceries, what you really need is a fire extinguisher and a pair of shoes. #
@DaftLimmy No you don't know. Shut up. Shut up. #
Just sent all of my bank and credit card details to Sony. Don't have a Playstation or anything, just thought they might like to know. #
Love the way tube trains have got a horn and do a feeble *beep* as they thunder in. Just in case you happen to be relaxing on the line. #
In case of emergency, blow nose on teabag. #
Francis Rossi from Staus Quo is known by his bandmates for being a fan of pasta. If you don't believe me check Wikipedia, fool. #
I wonder how far you could throw a crab. One of those huge big ones if you hurled it like a discus. #
@charltonbrooker @HellonHighHeels Here you go. http://www.imtoo.com/dvd-subtitle-ripper.html #
Really need to start bulking up so I can get on the next series of Supersize Vs Superskinny as a fatty. #
Hello @LordSugar. If it was you Lord Sugar, Steve Jobs and Bill Gates in a cage fight to the death, who would win Lord Sugar? Thanks Lord Su #
Sorry @LordSugar, please ignore my Q re physical violence. Didn't realise you are a plantation owner and not the rich gargoyle man on TV. #
Hello @Lord_Sugar. Someone is pretending to be you on Twitter Lord Sugar, sir. Am willing to kill him sir, for money or share options. #
@moonminerva Why do we want it to go across the pond? It might go rubbish. #
@nowdunc aft, don't like sports games. #
@Koncher That is amazing!! There was something I was meaning to tell you but I've forgotten what. #
@RichardWiseman Think you might be interested in this. Cats intuitively using the iPad to 'hunt' prey. http://youtu.be/vaif2uq_0Vc #
The world ends tomorrow does it? So what's happening to all us athiests and agnostics? We getting left behind or we getting zapped? #rapture #
@AidanJohnMoffat As Lennon said, "Imagine all the people living life in peace". But also imagine all the porn, hotdogs, drugs and loud music #
See how I misspelled atheist there, that's my escape clause. "Hey God. I thought I was atheist but actually dyslexic. Thought you were a dog #
BOOM BOOM! #
Oh @Lord_Sugar sir, it seems the world is ending tomorrow. We must strike while the iron's hot! Kill @LordSugar and take his account. $$$ !! #
Dear Cliff Richard, you don't know me but I know you (because of your 'music') please help cuz the world ends tmrw, what shd I do? @SirCliff #
Know how Follow Friday #FF can get a bit dull? Help me get #LOLF going. Okay, I'll start. @mohammed The tweets, timestamps, photo. Amazing. #
@CindyGillen4337 Know what? I don't have a dog. kthxbai #
@Koncher Wait! I remember what it was I was going to say… Did you see the picture of Endeavour the girl took from the plane? Really nice. #
@Koncher But she posted it on Twitpic, so gave up all copyright on the image before it went insane viral *sigh* http://twitpic.com/4yg6hs #
@Koncher Aha. Maybe it was even you that put it in front of my eyeballs. #
Non-gaming ahoy! … Extremely mundane places in Minecraft. http://t.co/7ga0DuV #
Beautiful Tonight but #iftheworldendsonsaturday #iwannaslap Accrington Stanley. Oh and #imallergicto Percy Pig. #
@rdallasgray Sounds like a win-win to me. Hope all is going well! #
@rdallasgray Ah, good! #
@nowdunc 4 Snickers? Are you serious? That's ridiculous. Also, this is a thinly veiled attempt at a brag. Get a grip McQuarrie! #
Fans of fantastic documentary King Of Kong are going to flip out for this new doc about Tetris fiends. Ecstasy Of Order http://oky.so/tetris #
@timhayward Didn't the guy who invented sandwiches do something else before that? #
@Koncher Awesome! #
The wind has blown my fence down. #
Ever get it where you think you've boiled the kettle, make a cup of tea, go to drink it and it's stone cold? I do that too often. #autopilot #
Ugh, Gil Scott-Heron's dead. #
@jorm Best advice they'll ever get imo. Good job! #
Cats hate chewing gum. Sometimes you have to use this kind of information to your advantage. #
@DerrenBrown Before you were all famous- ever seriously tempted to use your mind fiddling skills for nefarious ends? #
@DerrenBrown Your preferred way to die? #
@DerrenBrown That's obviously not a threat or an offer, by the way. #
@TwopTwips Lengths of string tied tightly around the midriff will cause rolls of fat to pop out abruptly giving the illusion of six pack abs #
Dear Satan, sorry I've not been in touch for a while. But could you please destroy One Direction as soon as possible. kk thx bye x #
@elizabethhare Beware falling pianos, that's all I can say. #
@foxytate This worked for me! Thanks!! #
@foxytate Hullo. #
@foxytate Well, yes, but normally my eyes aren't so bloodshot. That picture was taken after a heavy night. #
@JerryStillman First episode was amazing. #
@RichardWiseman @HighwaysCattery What was he ****ing out there? Looks like he's invented a new swear word. #
Just took a load of tech to the dump. Thought it would be sad. Wasn't. Old dead hardware soaked in rain… more like Bladerunner. #timetodie #
@brokentv I've got a Roadrunner car license plate I got in Universal Studios (I think) as a kid… and it says Beep Beep! #
@brokentv Yeah. And let's not forget the Teenage Mutant HERO Turtles. Ugh. #
Computer games have come a long way. Just found an old game for the Dragon 32 called Tea Time. "Catch the falling tea, keep your mug full." #
Imagine that was an entire level in LA Noir. Catching drips of tea in a mug. For hours. #
@AidanJohnMoffat done! #
Twitter, help!! The blurb after The Apprentice said: blah blah blah and graphic novelist Alan Moore. Is Alan Moore on TV somewhere now/soon? #
…s i l e n c e… Thanks for nothing Twitter. ALAN MOORE IS NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY WHEN HE FINDS OUT I CAN'T SEE HIM ON TELLY! #
Overstretched myself a bit there. Total Twitter tumbleweed. #Twumbleweed #
@charltonbrooker Clearly you have yet to download Advanced Aunt Strangler. #
@manukenkun I love you! #
@charltonbrooker No way. Some guys put a lot of effort into a game and it comes out a bit un-amazing… hardly a hangable offense. #
@rhodri Isn't it a moth ball. (sorry) #
*lolsigh* RT @sirbonar None of us have ever taken any drugs. Nor do we intend to. Thus we can make unbiassed pronouncements on the subject #
That last retweet is so wrong in so many ways it would be funny if 'The War On Drugs' weren't one of the great disasters of the 20th century #
Just saw a man with a really muscular forehead. And he did not look happy. #
@Jayenkai Explain please! #
@Jayenkai heh, got all dreamy eyed about Samurai Showdown 2 for a second there. #
Hullo Twitter. Here's a wee something for Follow Friday… @oldmansearch #FF #
@Koncher Yeah, same. May not even be genuine. #
@Koncher Actually, probably cruel since there's no editing and 'search' is insta-live. Some gems though, like 'eggs give me a headache'! #
@Koncher But I suspect not even real since even an 81 year old is going to notice that he's never getting any search results. Surely. #
Just noticed the 'jump to random person you follow' button. #
@frieze_magazine Go Karla! #
@robmanuel Funnier if you had dropped the salt shaker on his foot. #
@robmanuel Yup. But you missed your chance to spurn his 'humour' by cheerily shouting ARREST ME THEN, PIG!!! or NO! THIS IS ASSAULT! *PUNCH* #
Just saw 4 Rooms. A big uppercase LOL to the idiots who turned down 240 G for a Banksy wall piece. They paid 30. Also, Banksy sucks balls. #
Quick Apple fact for all you Apple fans eagerly awaiting WWDC 2011… 'Steve' Jobs is actually short for: Steven Jobs. Yup. True story. #
@Koncher … six … four … #EVENTHAPPENED #
@Koncher @eventhappening #
Right, so the Moomins have a square go with the Clangers… who wins? #
Personally I think the Clangers knock fuck out the Moomins every time, but that's just me. #
@rhodri I think you'll find the past participle is 'troubleshitted'. #
@foxytate Agreed. #
@manukenkun oooh, that's controversial. #
@AlsBoy Thought it was an urban myth that people actually said that and were really like "I shoved the loo brush up my arse. It got stuck." #
@Cunthorse diPLODicus is sooo stupid… who the f did came up with that shite? torTOIZE is okay though, in my opinion. So there. #
@Cunthorse Also, it always amused me how they changed the planet Uranus… from Your-ANUS… to avoid embarrassment… to URINE-us. #
@FamilyOfBeasts I haven't actually, thanks for the tip. #
Okay Twitter, you know what the internet was invented for… it's time to invent and propagate some cultural misinformation. I'll start. #
eremy Paxman stole the enigma machine (before smashing it up and posting it back to Bletchley Park). #mythbending #
When on location David Attenborough refuses to eat anything other than fried rats. #mythbending #
In 2000, Jeremy Paxman stole the enigma machine. (Before smashing it up and sending it to Bletchley Park.) #mythbending #
When on location, David Attenborough refuses to eat anything other than fried rats. #mythbending #
Bored of #mythbending already. Not as much fun as I thought it would be. #
There should be a thing on Twitter where if someone does a rubbish Tweet, you can give them a massive electric shock. #
@FamilyOfBeasts Ah, thank you! #
@Cunthorse Yeah, exactly. You're not going to data-mine your own details, change your own copyright TOS without notice etc etc. #
@Koncher ruining? #
@alanbenzie Congrats, Good Luck, etcetera !!! #
James Bond #budgetremakes Mr. No, From Rusholme With Love, The Man With The Gold leaf Gun, The Spy Who Quite Liked Me, Lawnraker, Monopussy #
Twitter Tip: When tweeting about Loose Women, save space by replacing the cumbersome hashtag #loosewomen with the more concise #sluts #
@foxytate YAAASSS!!! Remember the last time he was on? Uncooperative (obviously)… and made an awkward silence with some surreal gurning. #
YAASSS!!! Mark E Smith is on Newsnight tonight. #
@AidanJohnMoffat Your guess is as good as mine. Probably talking nonsense, maybe doing some weird gurning like last time. Should be good! #
So Mark E Smith wasn't on Newsnight. I want my money back. #
@rhodri What fucker said that!? #
I'm going to Orkney tomorrow. Wonder what that'll be like. Be eating seagulls and drinking rainwater I expect. Also, no trees apparently. #
No trees. What the fuck am I going to do without trees. #
@bureauista Will do. And thanks for the tip. x #
@AlisonWinChis Yes! And a penguin egg McMuffin on the side. Now you're talking my language. #
Hairy jumper is not supposed to be hairy. #
#YEAHTHATSRIGHTCAPSLOCKMOTHERFUCKER #
#ScottishFilms The Buckfast And The Furious #
@gedmundson Aw, thanks Grier. That sure is a fancy cat house… and I shall build one! #
Question time audience auto-clap. "No bombs" CLAPCLAPCLAP "Lower taxes" CLAPCLAPCLAP "More bombs" CLAPCLAPCLAP "Kill orphans" CLAPCLAPCLAP #
Just as I posted that, the guy from The Mail did the biggest tumbleweed in Q Time history. "Children always sexualised" … … no clap … #
Hullo Orkney! #
@rdallasgray Cheers Robert! #
Few photos of Orkney… uploaded the old fashioned way. Am being a social media curmudgeon, but hey. #
Next tweet will be number 666. Worked out well. Will do it from a place called Tomb Of The Eagles. #magick #
yesod am kethor grenth set shoggoth betel al jar thoth am set an ketel bahamut sol yet al ghul #
667 – fax number of the beast #
RT @RichardWiseman If you are into skepticism/science and in/near Glasgow, http://www.skeptron.co.uk it on today! #
@SimonBloor Congrats! #
@nowdunc Working like a dog, drinking a lot of beer (Scapa) and whiskey (Scapa) and shooting pool with team Lambie. #
Back from Orkney. Was very nice. Worked. Drank. Went whale-spotting. Swam in the sea. #
@Cunthorse Quotes please. #
@ChrisKenner Three strikes and you're out. #
Fuck it, I'm going to lick one of those toads. #
@neilhimself Burn it off. #
Aw shit. Sad news about Ryan Dunn. Love Jackass, v sad #
Summer Solstice is dreich in Glesga town. hmph. #
Glasgow Solstice Mega Grim. Dead sky and that slow, lazy, insidious ambient rain that can dampen yer mind if you let it. #
@Jayenkai Any advice on iPhone game dev tools? Obj-C/Cocoa vs Cocos 2D vs Corona vs iTorque vs ?? #
@AidanJohnMoffat What does fankle mean? #
@AidanJohnMoffat Acht aye, I knew that… but I've only ever said fankled- like 'that's all fankled', never just fankle. #
@AidanJohnMoffat My favourite Scots word might be dreich. And I'm also fond of puddock. #
@AidanJohnMoffat Acht, haud yer wheesht and stop havering! Anyway, I'm wabbit and away tae ma bed. Guid nicht! #
@Jayenkai thx! I've got programming experience in things like PHP, RealBasic. Just wondering should I finally bite the bullet and learn C. #
@Jayenkai Awesome Jay, thank you! Spike Dislike is still first game I play when I'm on my iPhone. #
@Jayenkai And I just recently noticed that the pixelly black background has parallax scrolling. Amazing. #
@Jayenkai lol, it's awesome. #
Embarassing Bodies Live just came on the telly. Think I might hook up the web cam and try and get on with a fictitious case of Tourette's. #
Holy shit. Latest Infinity Blade update – 585 MB. Does that game just keep on growing until it's pushed everything else off of your iPhone? #
iCuckoo: Innocuous looking app that self-installs, demands increasing time and attention while surreptitiously erasing all other apps. #
#slightlyaddicted is an oxymoron you morons. #
@AlsBoy Amazing. #
Just found a hedgehog in the garden. Painted it blue. Now smashing it around the house at high speed. Happy birthday Sonic! #sonic20th #
@Cunthorse I'm stealing that idea for the next series of Dragons Den. FuckSocks (c) [patent pending]. #
@Cunthorse Ah, of course. Silly me. I was more thinking of just the word itself as a functionally useless euphemism for 'fucksake(s)'. #
@Cunthorse My main idea for Dragons' Den is tying a lettuce to my cat. The Kittuce has many uses… mobile snack, find lost cat easily etc #
Orange just phoned me about my iPhone. During the blah, the Orange-bot told me that Apple are going to contact them next week with news. #
@AidanJohnMoffat Richard III is a good wee tune. #
@AidanJohnMoffat http://t.co/CVGQllA Also, it might be rhyming slang… Richard III = turd. #
You would think that the plural of 'cock and balls' is 'cocks and balls'. But it isn't, it's 'cock and ballses'. #callthegrammarpolice #
Holy cow! @DANIELmadison is on Penn & Teller: Fool Us tomorrow night, trying to put one over on @pennjillette @MrTeller. Great telly ahoy! #
@LeighFrancis The Queen died. #
#FF @Cunthorse: good name, great tweets @AlsBoy: good tweets, funny pics @robmanuel: the Ginger Führer obviously @TummyCustard: funny #
Internet, I have invented a new word. Gimme a sec. #
Droomer | ['droomer] noun – (from bedroomer) Someone who spends significant amounts of time engaged in solitary activites. (See geek, nerd). #
Why dont tennis players use that gentle pre-match warmup to psych out their opponent by smashing the ball at their face as hard as possible? #
@AlsBoy Nae bother #
@Koncher wat? #
@brokentv Don't forget to steal from yourself and burn random household objects. #
If Ljubicic tattooed his head grey/green it would look like the top of his head had been chopped off and you could see his brain. #Wimbledon #
Just saw a Hirst spin painting flash up on mega screen behind U2 at Glasto. Probably from Bono's own collection made with tax-dodge money. #
f Rupert titting Grint #
Just got off the phone to Joseph Aloisius Ratzinger, Pope Benedict XVI. And here is what he said… #
"Gregor man, the word 'literally' is fucked beyond belief these days. Cunts keep using it idiomatically or as an intensifier or superlative" #
And I said, "Pope, you are not right about very much. But you are right about that". #
@alkapranos Yes indeed! I'll give you his phone number once he gets his new sim card. #
@alkapranos I know, me too. But apparently he got banned from Orange Wednesdays for shouting at the big screen and is now switching to O2. #
'Where shall I mostly point my arsehole today?' thought the cat. #
@alkapranos Yeah, I heard that too. Selling off all of his old gadgets to pimp out the Popemobile apparently. http://t.co/6zHHDpc #
@AidanJohnMoffat ditto #
@DANIELmadison Just watched your performance on P&T Fool Us… Really was incredible. Well done! #
@rpaulwilson @andynyman Yup. Tam Shepherd's is a Glasgow legend. #
Haven't had a phone call from Aleister Crowley in a while. Hope he's okay. #
@Cunthorse Pretty grizzly. #
Been hanging out a lot on MySpace recently. Really good. Got the whole place all to myself. #
Holyfuck! The big open-top No Cuts protest bus that's been driving around town just swerved through the window of McDonalds. Free burgers!!! #
If I text someone to see if they want to drop by for a cuppa, my iPhone asks them if they want to drop by for a viola. #
@rdallasgray Hey Robert! I think we should hook up for a manly pint soon! #
Rooting for The Hayemaker. #
Got a sweat on The Hayemaker. Here we go… #
@ITRIED2WARNU lol yeah! #
Yes. I am ready to rumble. #
Jeez. Klitschko looks like a mean bastard. #
If Klitschko didn't have that great left hand I think Haye could have really battered him. What I mean is, if Klitschko only had one hand. #
Nah, was a good fight. Haye has definitely got balls. Just that Klitschko is like a boxing computer made out of meat. #
@RichardWiseman Joan Of Arc. #
@Interzonas Thanks. I like your avatar… it's hot! #
I think Freeway Cola is better than Pepsi and Coke. #
The balloon animal learning curve is made manageable thanks to the balloon snake. #
@rhodri That's what the weatherman in Groundhog Day kept telling himself too. #
If anyone wants a free peacock- phone this number: 01825 723 633 … Must go to good homes etcetera … #freepeacocks #
@llamasoft_ox Hey Yak! Does Minotaur Rescue still use Game Centre? I just got my highest score ever and GC won't show it Nearly 5 mil #
@llamasoft_ox Bah! Trust GC to bork just when I pull off a mad score! Oh well. Cheers for such a great game! #
Stop the #Murdoch #media takeover! Only a few days left! Send a message to Jeremy Hunt now @Avaaz Pls RT http://t.co/tgfiV2Z #NOTW #hackgate #
In an ideal world cigarettes would only cause mild staining to the fingers and the inks used in tabloid newspapers would cause insta-cancer. #
I wish @LulzSec were still operational and currently dismantling as many News Corp sites as possible. #
I've probably never mentioned it before but I've actually got reverse synesthesia. I taste flavours, hear sounds… even see colours. Crazy. #
I've had the same jeans on for four weeks now and I still haven't written a song about it. #
Be good if loads of twitterers chipped in and rented out that stupid Promoted Tweet slot and used it for #BoycottNOTW #
In 2011 with tech the way it is, difficult to imagine how it could be any easier to never buy a newspaper again and still be fine. #NOTW #
Cy Twombly was a good artist. #
@Koncher okay then #
Good riddance News Of The World. #
@AlsBoy Check out Ladonia! #
@AlsBoy http://t.co/MKfv5Gf #
@AlsBoy I'm sure. Might have to go to war to prove it though. Don't worry, The Wright Republic will stand shoulder to shoulder. #
You would never have thought it would take so many people so much effort to fold a 150 year old newspaper. #
Note to #NOTW readers: The internet is bursting at the seams with porn, wild conjecture on inane topics and adverts for shit you don't need. #
@brokentv My hat is off to you Sir! I hope many more people can make such a big small change. #
@bucktwins @spencepeterson Love it! #
@robmanuel Hit out with a tit out! #
@TwopTwips VENT YOUR ANGER at Rupert Murdoch in the safety of your own home by simply scribbling a face on your scrotum and shouting at it. #
To quote the great Richard Dawkins: "POACHED EGGG GOES IN VORTEX EVERY FOOLS KNOW THAT!" #
Wise words indeed from the father of modern gene-centric evolutionary biology. #
ΚΕΦΑΛΗΞΘ #
@alkapranos Correct sir! And it's a pun too. #
@alkapranos Ah, see it's from Breaks by old Frater Perdurabo. The name of the 69th chapter. #
@alkapranos So it doesn't mean 'head' in the traditional sense, you see. #
@alkapranos Frater Perdurabo being Aleister Crowley and Breaks being The Book Of Lies. #
@alkapranos Indeed! The Book Of Lies – Chapter 69 – Kappa-Epsilon-Phi-Alpha-Lambda-Eta Xi-Theta #
@alkapranos He's pretty good… and obviously pretty barmy. A lot of intentionally funny stuff mixed up with all the crazy. Nice stuff too. #
@alkapranos So yeah, it's Chapter 69 – The Way To Succeed And The Way To Suck Eggs! (and of course, 'succeed' being a pun on 'suck seed'). #
@alkapranos Such a wheeze, old Aleister! #
@alkapranos lol, at least it had a punch line! #
Lissin up all you Myspace and Friendster no wait Twitter and Facebook losers, I'm on Google+ now so fuck all y'all ! #
I'm so ahead of the curve, there's nobody there yet. And when there is… I'm gone. Put that in your social media pipe and smoke it. #
@Koncher Insta-deal! #
Holy fuck. The Chapman brothers' new White Cube show looks amazing. #
@ITRIED2WARNU Hey, no problem Brent Hope all the plans are going well. #
Just set up a Google+ circle called 'Everyone'. Gonna try and put everyone on it. People I don't know, don't like, never met, dead folk etc. #
@Tate No. TV is not art. End of discussion. #
@alanbenzie @Tate Apparently. *sigh* They might as well be having a big discussion about what is/n't fruit. #
@PrimordialAA GOGOGOGOGO!!! #
su'hin,su'hin,su'hin … nen ahwizlu'aat … WHIT? #
WELCOME TO YOUR NEW BILL! … thanks. does it come with a free coupon for a kick in the balls or something? because that would be great. #
Had that Travis song Flowers In The Window stuck in my head all day. But with the wrong words "Hey wow look at you now, flowers in your … #
… windpipe. It's such a lovely day…" With an accompanying image of someone choked to death on a bunch of nice flowers. #
@alkapranos Achy Breaky Brain #replaceheartwithbrain #
Wonder what's going on in outer space at the moment. #
Here's a talk I did a while ago about non-games. Look at it with your eyes. http://t.co/Gfq3Okg #pechakucha #gaming #antigames #nongames #
@pennjillette @MrTeller A short talk I gave a while ago singing the praises of your old video game Smoke & Mirrors. http://t.co/SuUrwXX #
LulzSec to the rescue! They've just hacked TheSun.co.uk @LulzSec Jolly good show! #
Has David Cameron got hair? I can never quite remember. #
I've just done an online crash course in acupuncture if anyone's interested. #
JG Ballard's 'rather drab' house of 49 years went on the market last week. Currently trying to organise a viewing if anyone's up for it. #
@Koncher Yeah! You up for it? #
@Koncher Waiting to hear back from the estate agent. #
@Koncher I know, crazy. And we were just saying how they monkey around with that so much. Still, there's a 13 Inch Pro though. #
@Koncher Here's that D&D film I was talking about. Watch it! http://t.co/V8D5hgy #
@Koncher It's Kim Newman @AnnoDracula … he rocks! Done a ton of good stuff including Warhammer novels as Jack Yeovil. #
@RichardWiseman Probably not. What a stupid question. #
@Cunthorse Been wondering the same for ages too. Since 'lion' is top of the heap really, I guess it's going to be OS XI birds of prey soon. #
@Cunthorse That would be hilarious. Or also, the insect world is pretty big… Bluebottle, Locust, Long-Nosed Weevil etc. #
I guess that's it then. The end of NASA putting people into space. Sad really. #
@Koncher That is crazy. Imagine having a game of Fantastic Counting Adventure with those sort of figures. #
I can never quite get used to the fact that after eating asparagus, your pee tastes of asparagus. #
@alanbenzie Doing a bit of a clear out this morning and just unearthed issues 3, 4 and 5 of Thee Data Base. #
@alanbenzie Heh, yeah. Looking forward to perusing them over a cup of tea. #
Flaws in casino shuffling machines make it easier to cheat http://t.co/3UrPXcS @rpaulwilson @DANIELmadison @BenEarl52 @DerrenBrown @theory11 #
Currently available for Badger smashing. (Competitive hourly rate.) #
@SimonBloor Yes! Traditional… I like it. #
"I'm not the badger hammerer, I'm the badger hammerer's son. I'm only hammering badgers 'till the badger hammerer comes." #
@rpaulwilson Ah, okay. Yeah, that isn't cheating imo. Pro card counters don't exist anymore anyway, do they? #
#FF Some interestings for your attention… @sambeaujones @SimonBloor @Koncher @JerryStillman @Cunthorse @AnnoDracula @VeryShortStory #
@MonkeyTypes For maximum effect, your initial approach should be done in the buff of course. #
I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Like Blade Runner. The final cut is on iPlayer just now. Time to watch. http://t.co/Y1ZojQg #
@AidanJohnMoffat Like: You're not allowed to go into the garden. ? #
Sad to hear Amy Winehouse has died. #
"Her father Mitch has yet to find out about his daughter's untimely passing, as he is currently on his way to America". #
"Her father Mitch has yet to find out about his daughter's untimely passing, as he is currently on his way to America" So sad #AmyWinehouse #
@Koncher Kirby rules. #
@Koncher can you please hook me up with a job as a mystic. thx. #
If you phone 123 today you'll hear the speaking clock's 75th birthday message. Phone up and party with the time bot! #sad #telephone #idea #
@Koncher If you're not already following these guys then you should! -> @EchoBazaar http://t.co/JO95TzI #
Hello @BillGates! I bought a computer and I plugged it in and nothing happened. What should I do? Can you fix it? Thanks! #
@brokentv iTit #
@brokentv I think you're right. Good news is, there's probably an app for that. Or an ointment. #
@Koncher I think Jump Onions could be a game. #
@rhodri Happy b-day when it comes! Did you know that the main riff sampled in My Name Is by Eminem is actually played by Chas And Dave? #
@alkapranos @rhodri Well, Chas & Dave themselves lay claim to this strange circumstance: http://t.co/YjNoJ0S #
@alkapranos @rhodri I found their site and that weird bit of info, by the way, when researching what does turn out to be a C&D urban myth… #
@alkapranos @rhodri … Recent C&D Poster: "Tonight blah blah blah Chas And Dave* !!!" … (the asterisk) … *not original Dave. #
@alkapranos @rhodri Yeah. A session Dave. #
@rhodri @alkapranos Davegeddon. Could be a metal band. #
@alanbenzie Congratulations!! #
@sambeaujones @CoulisDeTomate It's used in an SDK for 2D iPhone dev that looks pretty decent imo. Great if you're no an Obj-C fiend etc #LUA #
@sambeaujones @coulisdetomate Yeah, that's the one. I think it looks good… will check out Löve too. Need to get working on my game! #
o_O woW! @LulzSec spokesperson Topiary, who's just been arrested, is from Shetland. Dunno why that's so o_O woW! …but it kinda just is. #
@sambeaujones @coulisdetomate Ahaaarr! Them were the days! Blue hair and the occasional bout of cabin fever. Though never blown ashore #
@sambeaujones lol, tru dat #
Ah, okay. iPhone texting turns 'payslips' into 'parsnips'. How clever. Obviously being a veggie, His Steveness gets paid in root vegetables. #
@lucytweet1 @caitlinmoran Well, yes. Either that or gore him to death, depending on the species (and what sort of mood they're in). #
@AidanJohnMoffat Is that deliberate self-torture so that being taken up the Trossachs seems bearable in comparison? #
@caitlinmoran Pretty much. #
I don't even believe Morrissey *is* vegan. Unless he washes his broccoli down with a few gallons of peanut oil and Mars Bars. #
@andynyman MCMcD's. #
@davidblaine Holyshit, that looks like a sweet deck. #
@MonkeyTypes HEY WAIT I HAD A QUESTION! #whothefuckdoeshethinkheis #
@rhodri http://t.co/xeV6cSw #
@betterinmyhead @isaacforman @ErikVeland That's sort of what they're in the process of doing. #
@sambeaujones @rhodri The old synchronised nose-stand… brutal and hilarious. #
@rhodri Pimpin' outta control !!! #
@AidanJohnMoffat Nae bother Aidan, we should get drunk at the same time, in the same place soon though. Saw P&T today too. Amazing! #
@Cunthorse That's a Gripnik. #
@LeighFrancis You're a day late mister! #
HELLO NEW TWITTER FOLLOWERS I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME DOING A BIT OF SHOUTING I SAID I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME DOING A BIT OF SHOUTING I SAID! #
@brokentv Oooh… Need to check the few issues of Hate I'm missing when I get home. #
@Koncher Woo! And the guy is David Braben.. always thought he was the bad guy from the Elite fall-out b/c Ian Bell's into fractals and cats. #
@foxytate Think a spammer might have hacked your account. Unless you actually are earning £1k a week and want to tell the world. #
I want to start my own pound shop. Name: ONE QUID! Strapline: Exactly how much did you expect it to fucking cost? #
@robmanuel Good idea! Get the ball rolling with some he-tweet/she-tweet retweets. Go! #
@sambeaujones Oh, I see, sorry sir, I think you might be looking for the place next door… it's down the stairs and round the corner… #
@Koncher You should check out Tiny Tower btw… it's kinda fun. #
@sambeaujones Yes, that would be Six Quid. boomboom! #
Always thought the giantest squid you could get was the Giant Squid. But no. There's a squid referred to only as the Colossal Squid. #itsbig #
@sambeaujones Only £5.99!!! (other tweet shows that I actually ended up wiki'ing squid to check they are in fact molluscs!) #edutainment !!! #
An interesting new approach to circumventing internet censorship: http://t.co/d2Vp0q9 #
Just had a fairly strange telephone conversation with a man telling me essentially that JG Ballard's house is not available for viewing. #
@Cunthorse @TummyCustard Polished but crap is worse imo. A poorly made good idea is a shame but a highly polished turd is inexcusable. #
@Koncher He had a really thick French accent and was trying to get me to look at alternatives. I said nothnx, just this one… *unavailable* #
@CoffeeHooker That is quite a portfolio of hilarious antics you have there. Good Work! #
If it was either: a) eat a rat, or: b) fight an owl, which would it be (and why)? Tell me now Twitter, I need to know. Go! #
Lightning fast reactions from @sambeujones there as he attempts to bring owls down a notch. Owl Fighters 1 – Rat Eaters 0. #
Okay, parameters are: Rat is alive and needs to be thumped before guzzling. Cooking optional. Owl is angry and ready to rumble. No weapons. #
@thetwilightsad @aidanjohnmoffat Yous better be getting dressed up! Aidan looks so good in his Catwoman outfit. #
@CoffeeHooker Have you tasted the cake yet? #
@Koncher @titangrrl @gameofthrones Not watching! Fear of spoilers. #
@Koncher Oh yeah, I forgot about the time you got buzzed by an angry owl. #
@CoffeeHooker heh! Happy Birthday! #
888 #
@rhodri Well put them both together at one end and if they match then you win, or something. Either that or line them up and topple them. #
Happy 20th Birthday to the World Wide Web today! Here's the first ever web page by @timberners_lee: http://t.co/Q61y0I7 #wwwis20 #
Quis Custodiet Ipsos Custodes? … Me! It's on Channel 4+1 right now. #
@myexpresssite No. #
This guy once bought, read, reviewed every issue of 2000AD 1-1118. How amazing is that?! TheProgSlog: http://t.co/Fu3FcXj TheGuy: @pbrainey #
Stone the fkn crows!! Someone's only gone and made a documentary about Toynbee Tiles! And it looks amaaazing!!! http://t.co/9cEVNo8 @JonDFoy #
@glasgowfilm Hullo. Please show- this: http://t.co/CbhelJ4 ..and this: http://t.co/n1ZcNUQ ..oh, and this: http://t.co/25Y9lR8 ok, thanks! x #
@glasgowfilm Missed the WSB doc… damn! Need a rescreening! Thanks for taking the suggestions. (Upcoming month looks great btw!) #
PEOPLE OF LONDON! RISE UP! AND STEAL CONSUMER GOODS! #
@heawood Maybe they're looking forward to doing a bit of looting. #
Must be a strange feeling running down a burning street, dodging cops and petrol bombs with a Playstation 3 and copy of GTA under your arm. #
Well, at least that's the The Wombles off the dole queue for a wee while. #riotcleanup #
@robmanuel Is 'water my tomato plants' a euphemism for 'piss myself with over excitement' or something? #
So David Cameron is going to put down the Chianti and Ferrero Rocher, come home and give us all a row for breaking Britain. #moonfacedcunt #
Unconfirmed reports that looters have been breaking into HMV stores and putting Coldplay albums back. #Londonriots #
Is London fixed yet? Because on Twitter there's an army of teenage Bieber fans 'praying for London' and there's no way that's not gonna work #
@rockpapershot Advanced Lawnmower Simulator. A+! #
@rhodri Also, spelled 'lose' the internet way. *sigh* #
@edinburgh_ I saw @RichardWiseman taking a shit in an alley. #
Holy shit. WARP have lost their entire back catalogue in that warehouse fire. #
@robmanuel Heard they were all attacked by wild cougars recently. #
I suppose there is an actual Riot Act. Wonder if anyone was actually read it over the last few days. #
@AidanJohnMoffat Mix it with lighter fluid, warm milk and nutmeg and you'll be away. #
@alanbenzie For real? wow. [okay wiki'ing it now] yeesh! 'An act for preventing tumults and riotous assemblies'…'battle of George Square'! #
@alanbenzie Well, according to Wiki, 1919 in Birkenhead. Earlier same year at G Square, sheriff tried to read but had sheet of paper nicked. #
Jamie Oliver 'to the rescue' crashing through the buildings like the Mr Stay Puft Marshmallow Man was definitely my personal riot highlight. #
@Koncher Sort of want to but also really want to watch Game Of Thrones :-s (((((((((…d.i.l.e.m.m.a…))))))))) #
@Koncher Mead + GOT = (.)(.) and []==[]=======> #
In a series of controversial experiments, scientists from the McGruder Institute took a number of young macaques and kicked their heads in. #
@doctorow That's been going on for a while now. Pretty sure this was just an urban myth… then people actually did it. Sad imo. #
@Cunthorse Snoop Dogg doesn't eat baked potatoes AT THE MOMENT. He ate a massive one a few years ago and is currently still digesting it. #
LMFAO at Islington Council having a policy of removing (mostly decent) graffiti and leaving piss poor 'street art' (mostly Banksy). #
@Koncher downloading now but I'll probably be too busy because I'm really taking a shot at the Minotaur Rescue hi score. #
RAINBOWS IN YOUR FACE!!!! #
@pennjillette Don't worry, the man's a fool. #
@Koncher More importantly: I'm in the top 20 for rescuing minotaurs now. Level 80, 50 mil points. #
@Koncher unpossible #
@Koncher mmmgg bleach grrrhh #
@Koncher Cleaning up the apocalypse! #
When the zombie apocalypse does come what you're going to need is a janitor. That's all I'm saying. #
"It's a bold move in the dragon's den. This 'person' is looking for one million pounds of investment to tie cats to lettuces." #dragonsden #
Weetabix and water #
@Giania Could have been worse… you could have slept tea, watched your nose and blown Batman. #
Weetabix and whisky #

Orkney

Gregor — Fri, 10 Jun 2011 22:47:11 +0000