Random Rant

Yeah, so without wanting to sound like a cranky pedant, one thing that really fucks me off at the moment is the current destruction of the word ‘random’ that is going on out there. I just tweeted about it in response to something apparently soliciting your random thoughts. And so I responded with my thought. And like most thoughts it was, by definition, something I actually thought about. Thus reducing its random quotient to… almost fucking zero. Oh dear. Oh I see, you mean irreverent thoughts. Like: I wonder if broccoli floats in blood.

Mar 12, 2010 at 6:48  Filed Under: Blog  Comment

The Week on Twitter: March 8, 2010

• Okay so @patriciadevries has filled fruit bowl with potatoes and onions. But if I, say, flick peanuts at cat- armageddon. http://j.mp/9S34Mv #
• @Koncher I think that might have been me actually. I like that record. in reply to Koncher #
• @lgdglasgow I'm getting dodgy DMs from you. Your account might have been compromised. Just so you know. in reply to lgdglasgow #
• RT @VizTopTips A CRUCIFIX held upside-down can be used to attract demons, or to call on the help of the Australian Jesus. #
• Okay, so I'm gonna start tweeting my dreams. Tag is #idreamt #
• Lots of women breast feeding fish. Fish are lifeless, look like large koi carp, dark blue black colour like bruising. #idreamt #
• Happy Birthday! RT @davegibbons90 Happy 90th to Ronald Searle! Great article & video at http://bacn.me/12mx /via @reelmolesworth #
• @fionajardine Now that is quite something. Bigger than me, probably older too… and she went and killed it. The gods will not be pleased. in reply to fionajardine #
• Ticket machines in Glasgow Central Station so incredibly well designed. If goal is to make people miss trains. Designed by fucking baboons. #
• #irefuseto accept mediocrity. If the goal isn't something great… then take it and get the fuck out. #
• Ah, cats. #
• I am looking through the scope of a sniper rifle. #idreamt #
• Awesome! @neilhimself Two of my favourite people: Alan Moore and Iain Sinclair on an English multimedia journey. video: http://bit.ly/cBDO3n #
• Awesome! RT @neilhimself Two of my favourite people: Alan Moore and Iain Sinclair on an English multimedia journey. http://bit.ly/cBDO3n #
• I have never listened to BBC Radio 6. Ever. So there. #
• My cat. He has to learn to close doors. #
• @Artfire In Scotland, Soda, Coke or Pop is referred to as Ginger. in reply to Artfire #
• @alkapranos I'm sure there are plenty of sheilas willing to oblige you in this endeavour. in reply to alkapranos #
• Man, I gotta save up for some alligator shoes. #
• @GeeMarks He's old enough to get up to all sorts of mischief in any country he chooses now. Pass on my best wishes! in reply to GeeMarks #
• @Koncher zomg… a Crash quote! Nice. in reply to Koncher #

Mar 8, 2010 at 0:00  Filed Under: Twitter  Comment

Veg Bowl

I noticed this morning that Trish seems to have filled the fruit bowl in the living room with poatoes and onions. Yet if I do something like flick peanuts at the cat (which I often do because it is highly entertaining) all hell breaks loose.

Mar 1, 2010 at 12:02  Filed Under: Blog  Comment

The Week on Twitter: March 1, 2010

• Currently playing Noby Noby Boy on iPhone. Arch strangeness from the creator of #Katamari Damacy. It is very good indeed. http://j.mp/fCle #
• @JohnMoores2010 Is today's deadline for registration not submission? Reg today but still have until Mar 5 to fill form + send image, right? in reply to JohnMoores2010 #
• @Koncher More or less. Actually not sure exactly what you're talking about. Sort yer at replies out! in reply to Koncher #
• RT @artinfodotcom Arts Policy: Developer Plans to Destroy Liverpool Banksy http://bit.ly/d3SuVB Great! His work is hopelessly piss poor. #
• @GeeMarks Yessir… and who am I to say. I mean, I don't hate the work per se. Just cannot stand his whole shtick. in reply to GeeMarks #
• @GeeMarks Agreed! Hopefully in the near future. in reply to GeeMarks #
• This is the best e-reader I could find for the iPhone. It's free. And hooked up to lot's of old classic books. http://j.mp/9lDQd0 #
• #Depict is a great multiplayer #iPhone #drawing game. Draw and guess pics in real time. It's free and a lot of fun. http://j.mp/baOL7u #
• @MargaretAtwood Interpid- The ideal temperature for the perfect soft boiled egg. in reply to MargaretAtwood #
• @Koncher What are you talking about? #
• Turns out it's me who's talking rubbish. #
• Going to meet Churminator for a drink and then go and see @weareerrors. #
• @GeeMarks You should follow @spam to keep up to speed with the latest nefarious shenanigans on Twitter. in reply to GeeMarks #
• @alkapranos Free buses, wow. Thing is though… do they come with complimentary drunk bams up the back and the faint reek of stale piss? in reply to alkapranos #
• @alkapranos That's complimentary as is gratis, by the way. Obviously paying people compliments is not the way of the bam. #
• Outernet Explorer is go! It's a browser that fetches web pages and images based on random, surreal search phrases. http://j.mp/caU0QN #

Mar 1, 2010 at 0:00  Filed Under: Twitter  Comment

Outernet Explorer

Okay, so I’ve updated one of my older software projects. What used to be called the Indifference Engine is now a fully-fledged random web browser.

It’s called Outernet Explorer and you can download it from here, for Mac and PC.

It gets web pages and images by generating random search patterns and pulling a result at random from the results. You can tweak the randomness factor to make thinks more or less obscure as well as set it to automatically refresh at an interval of your choosing if you want to just sit back and watch the web go by. There’s also an option to open the pages it finds in your regular browser if you find something that you really want to bookmark and visit again.

Feb 28, 2010 at 20:30  Filed Under: Blog  Comment

The Week on Twitter: February 22, 2010

• @Koncher Music smells. #
• @Koncher Hahahaaahaaahaaaa!!! Why So Serious? #
• Shouldn't always be white that you run out of when painting. But there goes another tube. #
• Dada v Zen. #
• All of those images spewing forth onto my blog are just backlog photos from my phone, by the way. http://j.mp/9Ag8aP #
• @Weareerrors I used to drink tea while walking down the street. Out of a mug. Sometimes ate toast too. in reply to Weareerrors #
• @plasmatron Currently re-reading the Ultimate Edition of their run on New X-Men. Fuck me, what a book. Grant M, Frank Q and X-Men fkn rocks. in reply to plasmatron #
• @plasmatron Never been much of a Superman fan though might be time to give it a go. in reply to plasmatron #
• It's okay to throw cats. They can deal with it. They seem to like it. #
• How come you still get spoons and forks after the invention of the #spork #
• @BrianLimond Put this in your inter-dimensional pipe and smoke it. http://j.mp/Gpmj in reply to BrianLimond #
• @TaytoetTayto You going to the Martin Creed opening, Tayto? in reply to TaytoetTayto #
• @AsteroidWatch Why are asteroids always made out of rock? Why never anything more showbiz like gold? Or titanium. Or lead. #
• @LGDGlasgow Very nice! in reply to LGDGlasgow #
• Satan oscillate my metallic sonatas. (read that backwards). woo! #
• @RVSPVTIN WTF Russell! I thought Twitter was pretty grubbish, but you're here. Tweet, you fucker! in reply to RVSPVTIN #
• Okay, so the iPhone auto-replaces 'fucker' with 'ducker'. What in the name of fuck is a ducker Mr Jobs? #
• @GeeMarks Some new gizmo, eh? hrm… like an Apple iSpork or something? in reply to GeeMarks #
• @GeeMarks That is the truth sir! Can't believe it took me so long to start swearing, but yeah- duck that! in reply to GeeMarks #
• @Koncher ha ha! …and it's *loser*, you loser… still rhymes with boozer though. in reply to Koncher #
• Veeery hungover. Just made a skull out of White-Tac. Now going out drinking again. #
• White-Tac skull went down well last night. Off to deliver a wooden horse now. #
• @pennjillette The horror movie link ain't working, big fella. in reply to pennjillette #
• @Koncher I see no evidence of this. in reply to Koncher #
• Just added myself to the http://wefollow.com twitter directory under: #artist #painter #blogger #raconteur #badass #

Feb 22, 2010 at 0:00  Filed Under: Twitter  Comment

The Week on Twitter: February 15, 2010

• At last! If you're into #art check out my #website http://j.mp/9Ag8aP #
• Cactus smashed into three separate pieces. Cactus book says it's okay, they don't mind, will grow back. #
• Hey @Koncher glad you like the site. Nice easter egg finding skills too, btw. There will be more! #
• Finished moving into my new studio space and having a coffee. Feels good. Change is good. I'm fired up and ready for action. #
• Third sunny day in a row. In Glasgow. Clearly the sky is about to fall down. #
• Winding up my headphones, cat attack, and now the bits that go in your ears stink of fish. #
• Very hungover. Was at the studio warehouse last night, looking at art and drinking booze. Was a good show. http://www.swg3.tv/ #
• Took static from @fionajardine about the quality of my tweets. How 21st century. Wonder what the bitch tweets about. Don't actually care. #
• Pound shop no longer sells Nitromorz or Swarfega. What's the world coming to? #
• Art materials as absurdly expensive as ever. I blame the Sunday painters. #
• Locked out of studio now. Grrrgh! Oh well. Home to nurse the hangover then. #
• @pennjillette I saw your show when I was in Vegas. Truly awesome. Spotted you playing before the show and was like: No way! Penn's on bass! in reply to pennjillette #
• @plasmatron That's the Queen. Sometimes she just goes about guzzling swans. Or something. in reply to plasmatron #
• Rush poker is horrible. #

Feb 15, 2010 at 0:00  Filed Under: Twitter  Comment

Toadstools

Has anyone ever seen a fucking toad sitting on one of these things?

No.

Feb 13, 2010 at 23:30  Filed Under: Blog  Comment

Crap Drawing

I wonder if you know what this is.

If you said, a spontaneous automatic drawing in the surrealist idiom, give yourself a gold star. But you’re wrong. Sort of.

What this is… is the aftermath of the cat getting halfway through crapping when something seems to go horribly awry.

He went through a phase of doing this and I was determined to catch him. Then one day I was just sitting there reading when the door burst open and in he trundled, back legs up behind his ears, tail angled up and out like some sort of rudder, a look of steely determination in his catty eyes as he furiously pedalled his way across the room with his front paws.

By the time I realised what I was witnessing, the spectacle had petered out with an anguished miaow and he had returned to his daily routine with the sort of aplomb and grace and refusal to acknowledge what just happened that only a cat can muster in such situations.

Feb 10, 2010 at 22:54  Filed Under: Blog  3 Comments